No one understands me at all. Not even my own family. I've stayed home again today. Going to work seems like a chore to me now. I might as well be invisible the way that my colleagues at work ignores me and at home, it makes me feel as if I'm not welcomed. I might as well be a stranger in my own house.
It hurts.
I know. I know that my own mother favours my brother. To her, my brother is everything. She never cares about me at all. All she does is yell, yell and yell at me. Even when I was younger, she never bothers to take the time to understand me at all and my own position in school. She was always 'why can't you be like your brother?' all the time. I'm not my own fucking brother, damn it! I am not her puppet, always being at her every whim and call!
I hate them. I just wish that they would disappear! I'm tired of always trying to do things to please them and trying to fulfill all their demands. Why can't they just leave me alone?! It's as if I do not have enough to do - trying to handle all the stress at work and trying to ignore the fact that my colleagues at work thinks that I'm invisible or something. I know that I said to my own brother that I don't mind being alone, but being alone and isolated completely is two different things!
Why can't they understand this or try to understand me for a change?! I am not their plaything or their doll - allowing them to throw around and boss around as they wish! I am tired now. Why can't things be simple? It would be so much easier to get through each day without making me feel as if I'm going through Hell.
It is Hell here and it seems to be Hell over there too. This world...is rotten. Everyone is just trying to use each other to fulfill their own selfish ambitions. My own family is no exception. People only think of themselves, never of others and they're always trying to use people.
I hate it. No one understands me at all. And I won't even bother trying to make my own family try to understand. After all, if they don't even bother trying to spend the time to understand my own situation and me, why should I even bother trying to make them understand? It'll be just a waste of time.
1:12 PM
::light in darkness::
